Living Positively.
For many people a positive result means their life is over but as a HIV positive person I tell you this is not the case. Accepting the result is tough but this is not the end. It is a beginning of a new life. Let me tell you my story, when I got infected I was one of those person who tried to end his life. I tried to commit suicide 3 times but God didn't want me to die.
I got infected after a terrible and horrible incident that happen on a dark night. An incident which I don't talk much about and which only my family and close friend knew about. An incident that destroyed my personality and got me infected.
I got infected after a terrible and horrible incident that happen on a dark night. An incident which I don't talk much about and which only my family and close friend knew about. An incident that destroyed my personality and got me infected.
The first day that i was given my result, i was devastated. I went home like a lost person. In my mind there was so many questions. I wanted to end my life. I wanted to move forward. I wanted to tell my family and friends but at first I hesitate. I was lost all alone. At that time I was living on my own. Every minute that past by was a nightmare. All i did was cry. There was no treatment back then so the first thing that came into my mind was death. I was going to die that is all i though about. I had no idea where to start or what to do all I know was that the news was too much for me to handle. I prayed to God to give me the strength to cope but prayer was not enough.
The next day I woke up as usual and went to work as if nothing had happen. A much as i tried to pretend that I was OK and tried to put a smile on my face. I couldn't stop my tears from falling. What hurt me the most is that i could not tell anyone that i was infected. I was too afraid. I was afraid of being rejected and afraid of being on my own. For more than 4 month I was in my corner coping alone, crying alone and suffering alone.
Slowly i got the courage and decided to organize a family gathering, after everyone have had lunch I decided to tell my family. They were all shocked especially my mum who could barely control her emotions. They hug me and we cried together. It was the most amazing important moment of my life. Now I know I was not alone. I had my family on my side and this already meant a lot to me. They all assured me that they will always be there for me and that they love me very much.
That night I went home feeling a little bit stronger but still that was not enough. I was living alone. I needed friends but most of all, i needed someone in my life. Someone to love me. Someone with whom I can spend the rest of my life. But how? How can I get someone when I'm infected? To me that was impossible. So again I went into depression. It was tough for me.
One week later I met a young man, we became good friend. He was loving and kind so it didn't take long for me to trust him and eventually tell him that I'm HIV positive and how I got infected. To my amaze he took it well and we became even closer as friends. He was always there for me and he was always around each time I needed moral support. Because I was always crying all the time, one night he offer to bring me to a club. So i accepted. We went out dancing and we both had fun and got drunk. Then we went back home and he decided to stay over at my place. Under the influence of alcohol we had sex.
The next day when I woke up, I was naked in his arms. I was very uncomfortable. In fact we both were. He apologize to me telling me that he had no idea what happened. The truth is that we both didn't recalled anything. The only thing i know was that we had sex. Anyway we continue to be good friend. Because he was always there for me i grew an affection for him. Since i thought i will never met someone to love me as I am, latter the affection that I had for him develop into love. And we started to be together for quite a while as lovers. I was kind of happy with him but that was not the kind of relationship I wanted to have for life.
One week later I met a young man, we became good friend. He was loving and kind so it didn't take long for me to trust him and eventually tell him that I'm HIV positive and how I got infected. To my amaze he took it well and we became even closer as friends. He was always there for me and he was always around each time I needed moral support. Because I was always crying all the time, one night he offer to bring me to a club. So i accepted. We went out dancing and we both had fun and got drunk. Then we went back home and he decided to stay over at my place. Under the influence of alcohol we had sex.
The next day when I woke up, I was naked in his arms. I was very uncomfortable. In fact we both were. He apologize to me telling me that he had no idea what happened. The truth is that we both didn't recalled anything. The only thing i know was that we had sex. Anyway we continue to be good friend. Because he was always there for me i grew an affection for him. Since i thought i will never met someone to love me as I am, latter the affection that I had for him develop into love. And we started to be together for quite a while as lovers. I was kind of happy with him but that was not the kind of relationship I wanted to have for life.
One night I was watching TV and I saw a young man living with HIV giving his testimony on the National television. In his testimony his faced was shadowed in black and his voice was blurry so that people could not identified who he is. He was explaining how badly he was being tried by his family and friends who knew about his HIV status. His testimony really touched me. I cried as i was watching it because i could felt his pain. I was also angry because i didn't want anyone to treat me like this. And suddenly out of nowhere I felt a strange strength and feeling inside me. And i slowly said to myself. "I need to do something about this."
The next day I woke up with an enormous strength and determination. I picked up the phone and called the National Radio and told them that i wanted to give a testimony without blurring or distorting my voice. They agreed and arrangement was made whereby i gave my testimony and also gave out my home phone number so that people who wanted to call for support or counselling can do it. My interviewed was recorded and broadcast the next day in a health program on the National Radio.
I was at home listening to the program when I suddenly heard my house phone ringing. Somebody was on the line and she called simply to tell me that she was very touched by my testimony and was calling to assure me that I'm not alone. Many of the call that came in was along the same line except 5 of them who the person on the line was insulting me.
Their phone call was important to me. But I didn't want people to call me for pity. I didn't need their pity. What I wanted was for them to stop their stigma and discrimination against people living with HIV or AIDS. So i didn't stop there.
2 Months later i started to participate actively with the Ministry of health in their HIV/AIDS campaign. I gave out so many testimonies, in school, workplaces and at district level. Then I started to participate in overseas and local conference related to HIV/AIDS. The more i participated the more i felt stronger and the more I wanted to do more. So in 2001 I decide to go public and disclose my HIV status publicly on the National television in a workshop on Youth Embracing the community through voluntarism.
The next day it was the biggest challenge of my life. Now people knew me. Now they've seen my face so the question was " How will they re-act?". In the morning when i enter the bus immediately all eyes was on me. It was as if I was a criminal. I took my sit in the bus and sit by a young lady. She was so uncomfortable and couldn't avoid showing it to me. She hold her legs and squeeze at much as she could in the corner trying to avoid touching with me. I simply ignored her and sat down comfortably.
When I reached work it was even worse. All of my friends ignored me and avoid crossing my path. I was all alone. when i went to drink tea in tea time. They quickly remove their cups from the pantry making sure i don't drink from them. I tried to be strong but inside i was hurt but this was not the time to show them my feeling. I simply ignored them and accept the fact that I'm now on my own. I just did my job and went home. When i reached home I burst out into tears. It was not easy but i knew that i have to move on.
I was a dancer in the National dance troop at that time, so even when i went for rehearsal I was not welcome by my colleagues. In the end i had to quit my favorite hobbies. But i never gave up. I continued to advocate for our right as people living with HIV at various level in every single forum i could. It took a lot of time and a lot of work but in the end slowly i started to makes new friends and my life took a new direction.
I was no longer the sad HIV positive man. I was now an AIDS activist. So my focus now was on changing behavior and reducing stigma and discrimination towards people living with HIV and AIDS. So in June 2001 i launched a new association for people living with HIV and AIDS in my country. I named it the Faith And Hope association. Faith because I trusted in God as the answer for all our problem and Hope because i had hope that soon treatment will be available in my country and that i will be saved. The faith and hope association started to work in the interest of people living with HIV/AIDS.
We went out in communities, workplaces, schools, outer Island no longer as individual but as a group with the same vision and mission. We remained focus and target our objectives and achieved them. We became very well known locally as well as Internationally and we manged to change so many behavior and reduce stigma and discrimination towards people living with HIV and AIDS. We even went further to develop IEC materials and did our sensitization through variety shows. Killing two birds with one stone. Reduce negatives attitude, stigma and discrimination towards people living with HIV/AIDS and also to raise funds for our association to continue organised more activities.
In 2002 i was offered a training in Reunion Island by a HIV/AIDS organisation based in Reunion Island. So accepted. While i was on the training there, i got the opportunity to do my CD4 test and also a test for my viral load since Reunion has all the facilities already in place for those kind of test. The viral load test reveal that my viral load was very high. Even if my CD4 was still good i was put immediately on ARV's. At last god has granted me my wish. I was now on treatment to prevent me from developing and die with AIDS. Even when i came back to Seychelles i continued to get my treatment until eventually Seychelles started to gget its own stock of ARV's and continued my follow up.
Slowly all my dreams came true. I met a young girl and fell in love with her. She was HIV negative but yet accepted me as her boyfriend. So i broke up with the guy and decided to have a serious relationship with my new girlfriend. Together we faced many critics, stigma and discrimination and overcome every obstacles in our path. Unfortunately she was weaker than me. We even had a daughter together but then she broke up with me. At first i was depress but then i got over it and accept that I have to move on. Now I have a daughter to take care of and she needed me as a father. So i gave her all the love I could as a father and take good care of her while I continued my work as an AIDS activist. In the meantime I went back to the guy I had an affair with.
I had gave up on love. For me the guy was the only one who was really sincere about his feeling. He was always there and cared for me. But god wanted me to be happy so again love cross my path for a second time. In 2008 i met my second girlfriend and we spent 3 years together. I was totally in love with her and the truth is that she loved me too. But again this relationship didn't work out. We were not made for each other. The sadness part is that we had a daughter together. But again i gave all the love and affection to my second daughter and be a responsible father.
I guess this time luck was on my side. Finally I met the perfect one. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life. She was just 18, we were friends at first but the friendship develop into love. She was kind, cool, loving, sweet, understandable and the more I got to know her the more i fell in love with her. So we started to date and this times she was just the one I was seeking for. Finally i was a happy man. Together we worked on how to built our future and focus on our dreams. I was happy but not for long.
I was on an overseas mission in 2011 when i received a phone call from a friend in Seychelles. I was a porn star back home. Someone has spread some private video that I recorded just for fun of me and my sexual partners that i had already deleted from my laptop and circulate them all over the country. I was a popular guy so everyone knew me. The spread of those video destroyed my life, my reputation and all the good work I've spend my entire life to do for my country. Now because i was seen in video having sex with men and woman i was the most terrible man in Seychelles. I was over the press, in newspaper, on television and radio. The Ministry of health publicly announced that they have cut all ties with me and the police was conducting their investigation.
The news destroyed me. I wanted to end my life for real. I went on the balcony of my hotel and was on the edge of throwing myself over when i got disturbed by a knock on my door. At first i hesitate to open the door. But the knock disturbed me so I went to check who it was. i opened the door and to my amaze there stood a receptionist. She told me she had a vision that something was wrong in my room and decided to come up to check for herself. She was right. So I told her what had happened. She took me by the hand and convince me not to kill myself.
I listened to her and came back home. When I reached home I went directly to the police station they questioned me and let me pursue to my second trip in Madagascar for another official mission. After the trip to Madagascar, i went to spend some time with my girlfriend who is a Mauritian in Mauritius. While I was there things continued to get worse back home. The circulation of those video was now out of control. Almost everyone had a copy. I was depressed but there was nothing i could do. I knew i had to come back home and faced this situation once and for all.
So 3 weeks later i took the plane a flew back to Seychelles. Upon arrival at the Airport, i could see the police light flashing on a police car. They were waiting for me at the door step of the plane. I was scared. Some of my friends on the plane tried to comfort me but it didn't helped. I wait till everyone had got off the plane then i step out. I was welcome by two police officer who took my passport and escort me to their car. i was put inside and was brought straight to the central police station.
At the police station, I was asked so many questions related to those video who I had no intention of published. Then I was given the right to call a lawyer which I did. My lawyer did all the communications over the phone to the police officer and i was transfer to the Beau Vallon police station in the North of Mahe. There they asked me to submit all my personal belonging which includes my mobile phone, money and jewelry and threw me in jail.
There I was behind bars all because i was seen having sex with men and women. Everyone in those video's had the legal age consent to sex. And I was not the one who spread those video. But no one cared about that. There was no charged against me yet i had to spent the night behind bars.
While i was inside I cried. I got down on my knees and prayed to the lord. I asked hi to give me the strength to cope, to give me enough courage to sleep the night on the floor in a dirty jail cell. I prayed to be released from this hell. I couldn't eat anything. I was too depressed and my stomach was full. I had lose weight already.
The next day it was the biggest challenge of my life. Now people knew me. Now they've seen my face so the question was " How will they re-act?". In the morning when i enter the bus immediately all eyes was on me. It was as if I was a criminal. I took my sit in the bus and sit by a young lady. She was so uncomfortable and couldn't avoid showing it to me. She hold her legs and squeeze at much as she could in the corner trying to avoid touching with me. I simply ignored her and sat down comfortably.
When I reached work it was even worse. All of my friends ignored me and avoid crossing my path. I was all alone. when i went to drink tea in tea time. They quickly remove their cups from the pantry making sure i don't drink from them. I tried to be strong but inside i was hurt but this was not the time to show them my feeling. I simply ignored them and accept the fact that I'm now on my own. I just did my job and went home. When i reached home I burst out into tears. It was not easy but i knew that i have to move on.
I was a dancer in the National dance troop at that time, so even when i went for rehearsal I was not welcome by my colleagues. In the end i had to quit my favorite hobbies. But i never gave up. I continued to advocate for our right as people living with HIV at various level in every single forum i could. It took a lot of time and a lot of work but in the end slowly i started to makes new friends and my life took a new direction.
I was no longer the sad HIV positive man. I was now an AIDS activist. So my focus now was on changing behavior and reducing stigma and discrimination towards people living with HIV and AIDS. So in June 2001 i launched a new association for people living with HIV and AIDS in my country. I named it the Faith And Hope association. Faith because I trusted in God as the answer for all our problem and Hope because i had hope that soon treatment will be available in my country and that i will be saved. The faith and hope association started to work in the interest of people living with HIV/AIDS.
We went out in communities, workplaces, schools, outer Island no longer as individual but as a group with the same vision and mission. We remained focus and target our objectives and achieved them. We became very well known locally as well as Internationally and we manged to change so many behavior and reduce stigma and discrimination towards people living with HIV and AIDS. We even went further to develop IEC materials and did our sensitization through variety shows. Killing two birds with one stone. Reduce negatives attitude, stigma and discrimination towards people living with HIV/AIDS and also to raise funds for our association to continue organised more activities.
In 2002 i was offered a training in Reunion Island by a HIV/AIDS organisation based in Reunion Island. So accepted. While i was on the training there, i got the opportunity to do my CD4 test and also a test for my viral load since Reunion has all the facilities already in place for those kind of test. The viral load test reveal that my viral load was very high. Even if my CD4 was still good i was put immediately on ARV's. At last god has granted me my wish. I was now on treatment to prevent me from developing and die with AIDS. Even when i came back to Seychelles i continued to get my treatment until eventually Seychelles started to gget its own stock of ARV's and continued my follow up.
Slowly all my dreams came true. I met a young girl and fell in love with her. She was HIV negative but yet accepted me as her boyfriend. So i broke up with the guy and decided to have a serious relationship with my new girlfriend. Together we faced many critics, stigma and discrimination and overcome every obstacles in our path. Unfortunately she was weaker than me. We even had a daughter together but then she broke up with me. At first i was depress but then i got over it and accept that I have to move on. Now I have a daughter to take care of and she needed me as a father. So i gave her all the love I could as a father and take good care of her while I continued my work as an AIDS activist. In the meantime I went back to the guy I had an affair with.
I had gave up on love. For me the guy was the only one who was really sincere about his feeling. He was always there and cared for me. But god wanted me to be happy so again love cross my path for a second time. In 2008 i met my second girlfriend and we spent 3 years together. I was totally in love with her and the truth is that she loved me too. But again this relationship didn't work out. We were not made for each other. The sadness part is that we had a daughter together. But again i gave all the love and affection to my second daughter and be a responsible father.
I guess this time luck was on my side. Finally I met the perfect one. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life. She was just 18, we were friends at first but the friendship develop into love. She was kind, cool, loving, sweet, understandable and the more I got to know her the more i fell in love with her. So we started to date and this times she was just the one I was seeking for. Finally i was a happy man. Together we worked on how to built our future and focus on our dreams. I was happy but not for long.
I was on an overseas mission in 2011 when i received a phone call from a friend in Seychelles. I was a porn star back home. Someone has spread some private video that I recorded just for fun of me and my sexual partners that i had already deleted from my laptop and circulate them all over the country. I was a popular guy so everyone knew me. The spread of those video destroyed my life, my reputation and all the good work I've spend my entire life to do for my country. Now because i was seen in video having sex with men and woman i was the most terrible man in Seychelles. I was over the press, in newspaper, on television and radio. The Ministry of health publicly announced that they have cut all ties with me and the police was conducting their investigation.
The news destroyed me. I wanted to end my life for real. I went on the balcony of my hotel and was on the edge of throwing myself over when i got disturbed by a knock on my door. At first i hesitate to open the door. But the knock disturbed me so I went to check who it was. i opened the door and to my amaze there stood a receptionist. She told me she had a vision that something was wrong in my room and decided to come up to check for herself. She was right. So I told her what had happened. She took me by the hand and convince me not to kill myself.
I listened to her and came back home. When I reached home I went directly to the police station they questioned me and let me pursue to my second trip in Madagascar for another official mission. After the trip to Madagascar, i went to spend some time with my girlfriend who is a Mauritian in Mauritius. While I was there things continued to get worse back home. The circulation of those video was now out of control. Almost everyone had a copy. I was depressed but there was nothing i could do. I knew i had to come back home and faced this situation once and for all.
So 3 weeks later i took the plane a flew back to Seychelles. Upon arrival at the Airport, i could see the police light flashing on a police car. They were waiting for me at the door step of the plane. I was scared. Some of my friends on the plane tried to comfort me but it didn't helped. I wait till everyone had got off the plane then i step out. I was welcome by two police officer who took my passport and escort me to their car. i was put inside and was brought straight to the central police station.
At the police station, I was asked so many questions related to those video who I had no intention of published. Then I was given the right to call a lawyer which I did. My lawyer did all the communications over the phone to the police officer and i was transfer to the Beau Vallon police station in the North of Mahe. There they asked me to submit all my personal belonging which includes my mobile phone, money and jewelry and threw me in jail.
There I was behind bars all because i was seen having sex with men and women. Everyone in those video's had the legal age consent to sex. And I was not the one who spread those video. But no one cared about that. There was no charged against me yet i had to spent the night behind bars.
While i was inside I cried. I got down on my knees and prayed to the lord. I asked hi to give me the strength to cope, to give me enough courage to sleep the night on the floor in a dirty jail cell. I prayed to be released from this hell. I couldn't eat anything. I was too depressed and my stomach was full. I had lose weight already.
But god was on my side because he was the only one who knows the truth and who knew the real me. He knew that i was not a bad person. The next morning I got out of from jail. I was escorted home in a police car with two police officers. They told me that I need to submit all my electronic stuff like laptop, desktop, video camera, mobile phone, video CD, DVD, pen drives,and memory card to them. I had no choice but to do what I was told. I submit everything and was left with nothing. Not even a mobile phone to call my family and friends, Luckily my house phone was still working.
So I call my family and one of my sister lend me a mobile phone. I was asked not to leave the country and my passport was confiscated. I was not a suspect. Of what i had no idea. I was also asked to report to the family squad where they took sample of all my finger print as if I was a thief. I was told that this is a normal procedure. All i could do was abide to their rules.
On street i was insulted by the public. I was called all sort of names. I was destroyed inside yet i kept my head high and remain strong and focus. I had to be strong for me and for my kids. So i faced all the insult and continued with my life as if nothing had happened even if it was tough and painful.
I continued to focus on my relationship with my future wife and we got married. Later she move to Seychelles with me and together we are now building our future. Life has not been easy for me as you can see but i didn't give up.
It's important for you to be strong to be able to overcome any obstacles that you have to deal with. As a person living with HIV many will try to bring down by giving you the impression they are better than you but my advice is not to listen. You need to know what are your priorities. You need to know what do you want to achieve in life. You are still a human being and you have right. You need to know your right and fight for it.
There will always be people who will insult you but there are also many people who cares for you. So look at the bright side. Ignored the rest. You are what you are and only you know the true you. No one is perfect so no one has the right to judge you.
Knowing your HIV status is a plus my friends. It is not the end of the world, look at it as a beginning of a new life. A life with some adjustment for the best. You can still enjoy life by living it positively. Thinking positively, eating properly, having a proper life style. Taking your treatment seriously, stop abusing substances such as drugs or alcohol which will definitely affect your immune system. I the end my friends you will end up being a responsible person. You will enjoy life to the maximum. You are infected but you will be healthy. You will be able to achieve all your dreams and live happily.
In the end my friends there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that my testimony will help anyone of you who need help and who is feeling lost or depress. Always remember you are not alone. There always someone who is willing to listen and who is ready to help. Just be strong and hang in there.
As from me I send you all my love and support. Do not hesitate to contact me on my page and i will be pleased to assist you in any way I can. May God bless You.
So I call my family and one of my sister lend me a mobile phone. I was asked not to leave the country and my passport was confiscated. I was not a suspect. Of what i had no idea. I was also asked to report to the family squad where they took sample of all my finger print as if I was a thief. I was told that this is a normal procedure. All i could do was abide to their rules.
On street i was insulted by the public. I was called all sort of names. I was destroyed inside yet i kept my head high and remain strong and focus. I had to be strong for me and for my kids. So i faced all the insult and continued with my life as if nothing had happened even if it was tough and painful.
I continued to focus on my relationship with my future wife and we got married. Later she move to Seychelles with me and together we are now building our future. Life has not been easy for me as you can see but i didn't give up.
It's important for you to be strong to be able to overcome any obstacles that you have to deal with. As a person living with HIV many will try to bring down by giving you the impression they are better than you but my advice is not to listen. You need to know what are your priorities. You need to know what do you want to achieve in life. You are still a human being and you have right. You need to know your right and fight for it.
There will always be people who will insult you but there are also many people who cares for you. So look at the bright side. Ignored the rest. You are what you are and only you know the true you. No one is perfect so no one has the right to judge you.
Knowing your HIV status is a plus my friends. It is not the end of the world, look at it as a beginning of a new life. A life with some adjustment for the best. You can still enjoy life by living it positively. Thinking positively, eating properly, having a proper life style. Taking your treatment seriously, stop abusing substances such as drugs or alcohol which will definitely affect your immune system. I the end my friends you will end up being a responsible person. You will enjoy life to the maximum. You are infected but you will be healthy. You will be able to achieve all your dreams and live happily.
In the end my friends there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that my testimony will help anyone of you who need help and who is feeling lost or depress. Always remember you are not alone. There always someone who is willing to listen and who is ready to help. Just be strong and hang in there.
As from me I send you all my love and support. Do not hesitate to contact me on my page and i will be pleased to assist you in any way I can. May God bless You.
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